I have never been a picture of health looking back now at photos of me throughout my short 33 years. I have always had that little bit of pudge. Some of that is genetic (about 10%) but most of that (say 80%) is what I ate. I grew up in a generation of high-carbohydrate and low-fat food. Breakfasts were cereal with sugar added (favorite was Crisp Rice cereal with white sugar spooned on top, or later came the already sweetened Crisp Rice cereal), we were a generation of convenience foods. Pre-made, pre-packaged, loaded with fake crap foods, which I now see is not how my body thrives. One of my favorite foods/meals was Velveeta 'cheese' melted with a can of Rotel or fried pre-formed hash browns. We ate a lot of canned foods but we did in fairness eat whole foods. We ate at the time what we thought was a healthy diet, a diet that I now know is not one that will help me thrive.
Jason grew up eating much like me only with more access to junk foods. Junk foods being candy and cookies. He remembers being able to ride his bike to the candy store and grocery store and purchasing whatever he had enough money for. I lived in the country and didn't have that option but if there were cookies or cake we ate it. Sugar wasn't seen then as I see it now.
SO, once Jason and I got married we started to experiment with cooking and I learned that I had a LOVE for food and cooking and cooking for others. I learned that I loved to bake when I made rolls for 4-H. What I didn't learn was that eating all that off and on isn't good for me or my waist line. Our 1st two years of marriage we were Jr's/Sr's in college and in ROTC and BOY did we drink. It's a wonder looking back now that I didn't weigh more. I was pretty physically active thanks to joining the Army and I think that saved my waist line in many senses.
Half-way through our ROTC career I got pregnant on birth control and miscarried 5 months in and then I got pregnant again and miscarried at 3 months. I found myself in the depths of depression and turned to food to comfort myself. I don't know what I did to start to lose weight but I did go down then I got pregnant with Tessa and ate horribly. I used pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. We were in LA at the time and frequented Wagon Master and plenty of other places that served butter laden biscuits.
I blew up and became pre-eclamptic. I was admitted to the hospital and put on bed rest. That is how I spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy with her. I delivered at 36 weeks because they were worried about my health. After having Tessa I was heavy for a long time(size 16-18 easily, I had to buy elastic waist pants!!) . Jason deployed I had moved home, I worked out but not like I do today. I found Weight Watchers and it worked. Finally something getting me on a path to fix the food. I started more cardio and was down to a 12 by the time Jason came home from his 1st deployment. Once he got home I got pregnant with Charlee and really didn't gain a ton of weight with her. I moved home again as Jason was headed out for his second deployment. At this time we were vegetarian's, still trying to find the food fix for our waistlines. (It really seemed no matter what we tried it worked for Jason just not me...isn't that always the way). It was during his deployment that I seemed to gain again. Looking back at pics I don't know how I was happy with myself!! I moved to WA halfway through Jason's deployment. Being in our hometown was just too stressful for me. I was VERY accustomed to a military way of life. It was once I got to WA and new no one that I really turned to food. I distinctly remember standing at my counter eating a whole pan of Paula Deen's pumpkin butter bars. A WHOLE PAN! AND I was still in denial that I was FAT...yes F-A-T!!
I feel bad that that is what Jason came home to. I remember being miserable and hating on myself all the time. Always comparing myself to people on the street, asking 'is that what I look like?'. I knew looked bad I guess, I just didn't know how bad I looked. Jason encouraged me to find Crossfit. I however was NOT INTERESTED! NOT IN THE LEAST. I did my own thing. Elipticals, bikes, treadmills, weights.
THEN one day I found a CrossFit Gym run by a woman. And that is when it all began. She whipped me in to shape and said she didn't want to hear a single thing about not losing weight unless I changed the way I ate. The gym had a nutrition conference and talked frequently about The Zone and Paleo ways of eating. SO...I started down that path and realized how good I felt and how easy it was to change the way I was eating. It wasn't long til I decided that I no longer wanted to become a chef/pastry chef and wanted to pursue a possible career in fitness/training. So I jumped in with 2 feet and got my CrossFit Level 1 cert. I haven't looked back since.
But, my biggest kicker was my husband. I love this man with every fiber in my body and I never EVER wanted to give him the opportunity to look somewhere else. I wanted to be all he desired and all he craved. I wanted him to always want to be with me. I'm sure now that if he ever strayed it wouldn't be because of how I look or don't look. But, he knows I take care of myself and I always strive to improve myself physically. He and I agreed we wanted to get in to the best health of our lives so neither of us has to depend on drugs or die well before the other due to poor nutrition.
So, that is my story. From here there is no where to go but up. I'm happy with the way I look and feel. I am strong and that is what I love. I love to say I AM STRONG!!
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