Wednesday, January 30, 2013

So, when I tell some people that I have opted to have a tummy tuck I get a significant amount of blow back and or looks of shock.  I guess I feel like I shouldn't have to justify or explain why I am doing this to anyone as this is my body, my project, my piece of continual work that I continue to improve on and test.  I choose what I will and won't eat and when.  I choose when I am going to train and what I am going to train.  I work very hard to have the body that I do and maintain what I have.  I do not have the kind of body that looks good without significant work and control of my nutrition.  As soon as I'm lax about what I eat it shows up somewhere, whether that is on my face or in my mid section or thighs.  If I eat it I may as well smear it somewhere on my body. 

Through training in the last few years I have learned I develop muscle mass pretty easily and it likes to hang on longer than I expected.  My cardio-respiratory endurance falters faster than my muscle strength and definition.  Everyone is different, all our bodies work differently and respond to stimuli in ways that our friends may not.  Anyway, where I am headed is here: I have worked my ass off literally since I had my baby, who just turned 5.  At my MMA fighting weight I still had a skin flap, at my strongest and most muscled I still had a skin flap, at my best functional CrossFit body I still had a skin flap.  I am tired of looking down and seeing sagging, flappy skin.  I am tired of trying to rid myself of something that isn't going to go anywhere ever.  I hate sitting down and seeing a lump of skin (that I see as fat, even though according to both PS is clearly skin with minimal fat), I want to be able to see the ab definition that is there.  I am a personal trainer, I am my own brand and as such I'm a walking advertisement for myself.  We live in a world where judgement is second nature and people look me over and decide if I 'look the part'.  If I don't think I look the part, then how do I expect anyone else to feel like I do.  I am strong, I can do things in the gym that lots of women wish they could do or were doing.  I love myself, but still judge myself by my mid-section.  So, with all that said I feel like if I can do something to improve my appearance after working hard for years with no results on 'the flap' then by God I am going to do it.  And, I am not going to lie about it or hide the fact that I had it done.  I will not be the woman who doesn't disclose 'my secret'.  But, I will be quick to explain it took me years to be where I was ready for surgery.  I also know that 2 PS's both were in agreement (neither knowing the other) that I was the perfect candidate for this as it was clear I had worked very hard to get to this point, I was well muscled and strong and that frankly no matter what I did in the gym or in my kitchen it simply would not remove the skin.

So, there you have it.  I've laid it all out there.  It's been a long time coming, I have spent hours deliberating on all aspects of this.  I love myself and only want to continue to be stronger and more capable and help others who are or have been in my shoes.  That's it.

Off to work. 

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